# General > Literature >  The Aspirin Bottle  by JB

## trinkie

*THE  ASPIRIN  BOTTLE*  
 *by  JB.*


*I've had a very busy week and then I took the flu*
*So by the Sunday afternoon I knew what I must do*
*I tidied up and then I switched the blanket on the bed,*
*All set was I to lay me down  to ease my aching head.*


*I knew I'd plenty aspirin,  I'd bought them in the town.*
*So went to fetch the bottle then before I'd lay me down.*
*I read the full instructions upon the bottle top*
*But as I turned it went 'click'  'click' I couldna' get it stop.*


*Sez I,  'This trick will never do'  my head was reeling round,*
*So out I brought the hammer and bashed it on the ground,*
*But glass is made of sterner stuff as I was made aware,*
*The bottle still remained intact, and I the worse did fare!*


*By now my case was desperate I knew I'd never rest*
*Till I would get some soothing pills, to calm my fevered breast .*
*And so I sallied bravely forth and reached my 'Neebor Hoose'*
*Where two good ladies tried in vain to prize the stopper loose.*


*At length when every effort failed they made combined attack,*
*And lo !  Behold the lid came off  an' were they ta'en aback !*
*By now the three of us collapsed and had to rest awhile*
*Before I staggered home again it seemed like many a mile.*


*So take a warning folk from me, if aspirin you need*  
*Before you leave the chemist's shop, just give a little heed*
*To see the kind of bottle tops you're getting from the girl,*
*Just put your hand into the bag and give the top a twirl.*


*You may get one like mine, that needs some strength to make it move*
*And if you do, then that's the time,  th' assistant's skill to prove,*
*Just say  'I'm sorry dearie, the stopper's stuck you see*
*And will you please be good enough to loosen it for me?'*


*For in fact to open it, I would be strong enough*
*There is no doubt at all that that I would never need the stuff.*

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## Torvaig

Oh michty me ma guid freen Trinkie 
Dinna get in til a holl
Never heid 'e aspirin bottle
Jist stick til paracetamol.

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## trinkie

*Oh dearie me I'm in a spin*
*I've always stuck tae Aspirin*
*The thocht o' change I canna tholl*
*But since ye mention Paracetamol*
*I'll gie'd a try – see how hid goes*
*(On days lek 'iss I'm vexed I rose)*
*For now the bloomin'  cold it seems*
*is on my chest.   I've rubbed on creams*
*I've rubbed on fat, I've rubbed on greeze*
*But nothing  helps and now I wheeze*
*I wheeze like an old demented coo*
*Oh for some respite, cough, cough,  the NOO !*

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