# General > Literature >  Reading Group Discussion Questions - 'Before I go to Sleep'.

## Tilly Teckel

Christine constantly questions herself, her feelings and her actions. How important is memory to our sense of identity? What are the  events in your life that have been important in shaping who you are? Can  you imagine what it might be like if you couldn't remember them? How  would you be different as a person?Christine says that she feels like an animal. Living from moment to  moment, day to day, trying to make sense of the world. Do you think this  is what it must be like to be in her situation? Do you think animals have any sense of their past or do they live in the moment? Is the ability to remember years  gone by all that separates human beings from animals?Christine doesn't feel a strong sense of love for her husband, but  wonders if that is normal after so many years of marriage. Do you think  it's inevitable that a marriage changes in this way? Is love dependent on shared experience?

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## jlumsden

Glad to have an excuse to re-read this book again!! Going to read it with my notebook beside me  :Smile:  Good questions! x

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## Tilly Teckel

Thanks; I'll post my answers when I get more than two minutes to myself! Happy reading  :Smile:

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## SunnyChick

Will answers questions asap x

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## jlumsden

1. I think memory is of paramount importance to our sense of identity. Without memories, how can we know who we are, or why we are this way? There have been many significant events in my life which have helped to shape who I am. One of the biggest for me has been moving 264 miles away from family and friends, to a place I knew virtually nothing about. I can only imagine how lost and confused I would feel without my memories, especially of why I live so far from my family. I also think that if I couldn't remember my past events, I would be a much more naive person, and not as strong as I am now. I beleive memories make us who we are!

2. I think that Christine has to love her life in the moment. She has no memories to draw on to live any other way, however, I don't necessarily think this the same can be said for all anaimals. You've heard the phrase "elephants never forget"? It has been proven that elephants will remember injuries which have been inflicted upon them. Likewise, ab abused dog who is then rescued needs a lot of love and patience to help restore his faith in people again. So no, I don't think the ability to remember separates humans from animals, I think it is something we have in common.

3. No, I don't believe it is inevitable in normal circumstances. We do have to remember, the man Christine is living with is not her husband, I think, in her subconscious, she must have known this was not the man she married. Perhaps if she lived with the "real" Ben, she might have felt differently. I think shared experience is important for any relaltionship and it does help to make the bond stronger, though, I am not sure I beleive love is _dependant_ on shared experience.

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## Tilly Teckel

Q1.     Re-reading the novel with hindsight has been interesting. There are many little clues as to the fact that Christine's life with her 'husband' is a lie. She questions to herself whether she chose the decor in her house, for example. Even though she cannot remember her past she still seems to have some sense of 'who' she is. I would have thought that without your memory you wouldn't have an immediate sense of whether things are 'you' or not but she seems to. Maybe such things are built-in, hard-wired as it were. I do think, though, that when it comes to huge life events such as relationships, children etc. it is the memory of these which change us. I have had difficult times in my life and I strongly believe that these have altered my character. You learn resilience, strength, humility, loads of things from your life experiences. I feel I would be a far less empathic person if I hadn't had bad times (or couldn't remember them) and probably far less wise!

Q2.   I guess when Christine likens herself to an animal, this is largely because she is reactive rather than proactive. Events unfold around her and she reacts to them on instinct, as this is all she really has. Humans, I think, tend to react to situations based on their moral code/belief system, which they have developed as a result of past events or things taught to them, and try to change situations to fit their world view. I agree with jlumsden's comment about animals appearing to remember past hurts though and I'm unsure how this works. Maybe we're humanising animals and attributing memories and emotions to them which they do not possess? Maybe animals who have regular contact with humans take on their characteristics and learn from us how to remember the past and use it to influence their behaviour? I'm afraid I really do have to sit on the fence on this question!

Q3.    The fact that Ben is not Christine's husband is obviously very significant. If she had been living with her real husband maybe her memory would have recovered sooner? I too believe that Christine knew, deep down, that she was with the wrong man and this is why she could not feel love for him. In my (limited!) experience love gets deeper over time if you're with a person who's right for you, it changes certainly but for the better, not worse. However, shared experience is so important to couples as these are the ties that bind you together. Could a relationship which effectively has to start from scratch every single day ever be as strong as one which has years of remembered history? I don't think so. It would be a very different sort of relationship. One positive factor could be that each day is a fresh start and a chance to fall in love all over again. How would this feel for the husband who has to go through that every day though? I can hardly imagine a more difficult situation in which to continue a relationship and am unsure what I would do in that position.

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## bod1403

I tried to imagine waking up without a memory this morning....result was - it's impossible! Everything I do revolves around memories, from feeding the cats to recognising my hubby & home. To know where you come from & how you got to where you are involves constant memories although you might not be aware of this. To live in a world feeling unloved & friendless & not being able to give these feelings back to others because you can't feel anything for them must be a living hell. 
My memories are so precious, even the bad ones, sometimes thats all we have left of those we love. If you take that away you're left with a shell - no more. You become less than animal because all animals have some degree of memory.
You can share memories with others but each person remembers places, people, events etc. differently & that's what gives us our personalities & makes each person unique.

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## Tilly Teckel

> I tried to imagine waking up without a memory this morning....result was  - it's impossible! Everything I do revolves around memories, from  feeding the cats to recognising my hubby & home.


That is so true, it's difficult to imagine how I would function if I couldn't even remember all my little routines, let alone the big things like family.




> There  have been many significant events in my life which have helped to shape  who I am. One of the biggest for me has been moving 264 miles away from  family and friends, to a place I knew virtually nothing about. I can  only imagine how lost and confused I would feel without my memories


Ditto! I'm a long way from home too, but at least I remember why I moved and that I have friends and family out there. I would feel very vulnerable and isolated if I didn't. I guess that's how Christine must have felt every day.

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## Tilly Teckel

What are Dr. Nash's feelings towards Christine? Do you think he is  behaving in a professional manner? He says he is writing up her case -  are his motives for helping her entirely selfless? Is he being  completely honest with her?Christine believes Ben doesn't tell her about Adam so that she doesn't  get upset. Would he be right to do this? Or does she have a right to  know about him no matter how painful that knowledge might be?Do you think that Christine's affair is out of character for her? Why do  you think it happened? Why do you think she risks her marriage?

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## SunnyChick

Christine constantly questions herself, her feelings and her actions. How important is memory to our sense of identity? What are the events in your life that have been important in shaping who you are? Can you imagine what it might be like if you couldn't remember them? How would you be different as a person?

*Yep, for sure our memories provide some of the foundations from which we build ourselves on. Being able to reflect on your past helps you make decisions about your future. If we couldn't do that, then how could we stop ourselves making the same mistakes over and over again? How would we learn? What shaped me? A combination of genetics, environmental factors, and experience. Things which have had great influence over me? Leaving school and finding work, gaining independence, my parents divorcing, losing loved ones and bringing new life into the world. If I didn't have these memories, I'd have absolutely nothing and I would not be like me at all. I'd be pretty hollow.*
Christine says that she feels like an animal. Living from moment to moment, day to day, trying to make sense of the world. Do you think this is what it must be like to be in her situation? Do you think animals have any sense of their past or do they live in the moment? Is the ability to remember years gone by all that separates human beings from animals?
*
Naw, I think that stuff about animals being so different to humans is pretty gash logic. Ofcourse they have a sense of their past - for example - animals who have been mistreated by humans lose trust. In the wild, they form packs, have their own "family groups" etc. They are organised and they rely on team members to survive. I think Christine saying she feels like an animal isn't a great portrayal. I think it would have been more accurate to say she was like a lost child in a permanent state of concussion!* 

Christine doesn't feel a strong sense of love for her husband, but wonders if that is normal after so many years of marriage. Do you think it's inevitable that a marriage changes in this way? Is love dependent on shared experience? 
*
Well, I think that sometimes people confuse love with infatuation. Infatuation is what people are feeling when they say "it was love at first sight", when actually it isn't. It's really important to build up happy memories during your time together, so you can enjoy them again and again as you grow old together. The memories you generate along the way that will either make or break you. Christine can't sincerely love a husband she doesn't know. Ofcourse a marriage changes over time, because any relationship is an evolving thing which can be strengthened or weakened as events unfold.*

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## SunnyChick

What are Dr. Nash's feelings towards Christine? Do you think he is behaving in a professional manner? He says he is writing up her case - are his motives for helping her entirely selfless? Is he being completely honest with her?
*
I think Dr Nash was incredibly kind to Christine. I think he found her to be a bit like a puzzle he just HAD to figure out. I wonder did he sense that she was in danger all along?  I don't think your average NHS GP or Consultant would go to such lengths, so at times I found him a little unconvincing. If he was my husband I'd not be impressed with his obsession with Christine! 
*
Christine believes Ben doesn't tell her about Adam so that she doesn't get upset. Would he be right to do this? Or does she have a right to know about him no matter how painful that knowledge might be?

*I think that "Ben" must have known Adam could be part of the key to Christine recovering her memories. The bond you share with a child is so strong, almost instinctive, and at times during the book I think Christine felt a child sized gap, even though she couldn't remember him. Of course she has a right to know, but at the same time I would want to spare her from suffering that raw grief every day.
*
Do you think that Christine's affair is out of character for her? Why do you think it happened? Why do you think she risks her marriage?
*
I don't think I can really make a judgement about whether Christine's affair is out of character for her or not, because throughout the whole book we don't really get to see much of her real character, given that she doesn't remember anything. I think it's a fairly typical story:  Girl meets boy, along comes child, roles change. You spend so much time being parents, that you forget how to be a couple. The daily drudge of raising family, paying bills, working hard, balancing time with money.... sometimes something has to give, and often it's the relationship between the couple which suffers. It's damn hard, and while a person wouldn't necessarily go out looking to have an affair, sometimes they are just led into the arms of another, which is really sad as ultimately it only destroys everything you have worked so hard to achieve.  It's tragic, but it's not surprising to hear she had an affair. However, most people who have an affair are not so unfortunate to meet an absolute psychotic mentalist who will first try to kill you and then use your resulting amnesia as a tool to keep you hostage for the rest of your life!*

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## bod1403

I don't think pets do live from day to day, they may live for the moment but they certainly remember things like they're fav resting place etc. Even wild animals have terrific memories for negotiating extreme treks back & forth, so I think Christine is wrong to compare her life to that of an animal, she's more like a robot (with a degree of self knowledge) just performing a daily function. Her life is a dream (nightmare?) state that she can't shake off. Haven't we all had such strong dreams that when we wake we're not sure which life is real or am I just odd? That's how I imagine Christine's life - floating between reality & fiction.

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## Tilly Teckel

Q4.  I always felt Dr. Nash knew more than he was letting on, and as the book progressed I felt he should have made more of an effort to find things out and help Christine to know the truth. He was perfectly placed as a doctor to access information on her past, and as someone who was trying to help her regain her memory he could have told her a lot more much sooner. I felt uneasy about his level of involvement with Christine which I thought often skated very close to unethical. As for him writing up her case, that was certainly part of the attraction for him but he appeared to be fascinated with her in an almost unprofessional manner. He certainly should have encouraged her to tell someone else that she was meeting him, for her own safety if nothing else.

Q5.   Obviously Ben had his own sinister reasons for keeping memories of Adam away from Christine but if that hadn't been the case I think she should have been told, and re-told every day. The hurt would be immense, yes, but I think it would help ground her in reality. Feeling things, bad as well as good is a vital part of human life and to deny someone that is inhumane. Besides, she knew deep inside all along and felt Adam's absence without understanding what she was feeling. At least if she could put a name to it she could understand why she had such strong feelings.

Q6.   I was initially quite shocked that Christine had had an affair. I guess that was when I thought she had a devoted husband in 'Ben'. However, her 'real' husband was no less loving and she still cheated on him. Memories of Christine as a bit of a 'wild' young woman, and discovering her passion for writing, I began to see a woman who must have felt stifled by marriage and domesticity. 'Ben' came along at the right time (for him!) when she was looking for something more, some excitement. I don't think she intended to risk her marriage; I don't think she intended anyone to find out. It was just a shot of drama in an otherwise settled life. Unfortunately she picked the wrong guy!

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## jlumsden

What are Dr. Nash's feelings towards Christine? Do you think he is behaving in a professional manner? He says he is writing up her case - are his motives for helping her entirely selfless? Is he being completely honest with her?I really want to believe Dr. Nash's motives are selfless . . especially at first. I have to admit, when I was reading the story the first time, I was always waiting for Dr. Nash to expose himself as a "baddie". I agree with what Tilly says about encouraging her to tell someone. It was irresponsible to agree to meet in secret. I also think he should have done more to help uncover things about Christine. Who better to get information on your medical history for you than your doctor?!?!? I think on some level,perhaps, Dr. Nash didn't want Christine to get better? I think he maybe liked her vulnerabilty, and the fact she relied on him so much. So as much as I want to believe he was being selfless, I don't think he was ...

Christine believes Ben doesn't tell her about Adam so that she doesn't get upset. Would he be right to do this? Or does she have a right to know about him no matter how painful that knowledge might be?

I think, in normal circumstances (i.e he was actually Ben) he would have some claim to do this.However, Adam wasn't dead, so had he been her husband would have had no need to omit this information from his daily update for her. I do think a mother has every right to know for, and grieve for her children, but, would you want to be the one to tell that to someone every day? I know that I coldn't do it on a daily basis, and have to see someone you love go through that pain every day!!!

Do you think that Christine's affair is out of character for her? Why do you think it happened? Why do you think she risks her marriage?
I think Tilly has hit the nail on the head with this answer!! I will also add that I think, from Christines snatches of memory, this wouldn't have been out of character for her in her younger days.At the very beginning of the story, she thinks she has woken up in bed with a married man, so perhaps not totally out of character!

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## Tilly Teckel

Hey guys! Thoroughly enjoying reading your answers but I'm away from tomorrow for two weeks (nowhere glamorous - just visiting the folks in sunny wales!) so I'll leave you with this last question...

Did you like the ending? Did it represent closure for you? What about  Christine? Do you think she will remember what happened to her when she  wakes up?

I'll try to add my answer this evening, in-between packing duties...  ::

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## jlumsden

Did you like the ending? Did it represent closure for you? What about Christine? Do you think she will remember what happened to her when she wakes up?

Yes and no. I thought the ending was positive in a way - Christine is reunited with her true family - but I also can't help but think it was a little bitter sweet, all the work she had put into her journal was gone in the fire.I think the story was left open and could be revisited by the author at a later dat (but then again, it could spoil the story(?)) I have been left truly hoping the trauma at the end of the story has been enough to re - jig Christine's memory, but then not all stories are happ endings are they?

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## SunnyChick

Did you like the ending? Did it represent closure for you? What about Christine? Do you think she will remember what happened to her when she wakes up?

*Yes, I did like the ending, and yes it did bring closure.  However, agree with jlumsden - stories don't always have straight forward, predictable happy endings.  For me, that would have just gone against the whole grain of the book.  What, "the bad guy got his just desserts, she suddenly remembers everything and then they all lived happily ever after"?  Nope, far too cheesy!  I reckon the next morning would be the same as every other morning in that book!  She'd not know anything about who she is or where she lives or who her family and friends are, but.... she could start a new journal, without all the scary "don't trust Ben" stuff, and start writing new memories in there, and she would be safe.  Good book!  I would give it a rating of 7/10! *

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