# General > Motoring >  Is my car cool or have I made a horrible mistake?

## ducati

Yes, soo many of you do. I thought I'd help by giving you ducati's definitive guide.

I'll deal with the big catagories first then you know very quickly.

No 4 door car is cool.

No Diesel car is cool.

No hybrid or electric car is cool.

No car built in the following countries is cool.

France
Spain
Sweden
South Korea
India
Any Eastern European country

Well that probably eliminates a goodly number.

Here are the potentially cool numbers of cylinders: 6,8,12.

 10 cylinder cars aren't cool unless they are made by Lamborgini. If you bought an Audi for Lamborgini money..are you nuts??

No BMW has been cool since the 850..and I'm not 100% convinced about that.

No Porsche is cool unless it is a 911 derivative.

All 2 door Italian cars are cool.

Very few Japanese cars are cool. 

All American 2 door cars built before 1968 are cool.

No American car built after 1968 is cool.

With very few exceptions, no 4x4 is cool.

All Jaguars (even 4 doors) are cool except the XJ40 series.

Common mistakes; If you bought a madly powerful 4 door Japanese car... Nil POINTS.

If you think your 4x4 is cool because it was £100k and you had to wait 8 months for it..you are wrong.

Oh and obviously, if your car was designed by Victoria Beckham...really??

Dont forget, I'm here to help folks, so if you are unsure post a question or if you think you might be embarrassed send me a PM. (All PMs will be posted).

I'm sure some of you will disagree with the above but you are just compensating for buying an uncool car.

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## CyprusPluto

Sorry ducati, but I have to disagree with the first one.

"No 4 door car is cool". What about the one actually called the "four door"? The Maserati Quattroporte

What about the Rolls Royce Phantom?

Aston Martin Rapide; Fisker Karma

On the whole you're right, but there are a few

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## ducati

> Sorry ducati, but I have to disagree with the first one.
> 
> "No 4 door car is cool". What about the one actually called the "four door"? The Maserati Quattroporte
> 
> What about the Rolls Royce Phantom?
> 
> Aston Martin Rapide; Fisker Karma
> 
> On the whole you're right, but there are a few


Oh dear, I almost specifically mentioned the Quattroporte. Obviously, any 4 door version of a sports car is about as uncool as you can get. ::

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## CyprusPluto

As for Sweden ....... Koenigsegg

Not new models, but Saab 900 and Saab 99 Turbo's

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## focusRS

Any cool that a Jaguar may have had upon leaving the production line is immediately nullified once money has passed hands and a Jaguar owner is born.

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## ducati

> As for Sweden ....... Koenigsegg
> 
> Not new models, but Saab 900 and Saab 99 Turbo's


Sheesh! I don't think you are getting this. Don't confuse cool with er efficient, expensive or in Saabs case, really badly designed. Just to give you a little more help. How can a car with a 4 cylinder Triumph TR7 derived engine be cool?

Actually, there is an exception to every rule. There was a cool Saab. The 93 I think, the one with the 3 cylinder 2 stroke motor, very successful rally car if I'm not mistaken

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## ducati

> Any cool that a Jaguar may have had upon leaving the production line is immediately nullified once money has passed hands and a Jaguar owner is born.


Ah yes, an interesting phylosophical observation. But the car is cool or not cool, regardless of the owner. As for bizaro stuff like the Koenigsegg. Instant fail the first time you tell a layman what it is and they say "a what?"

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## ducati

If you think your car might not be cool, check it against the list first before you ask, it might save embarrassing your family and friends.

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## emmz

Does adding decals or "go faster" stripes to the car add or detract from its cool?  :Grin:

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## ducati

Really interesting question. If the car was cool in the first place, then I'm sure it would carry it off. However, never make the mistake of thinking customisation will make an uncool car cool. It will just make it sad.  ::

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## ducati

Going by the PMs, some of you are still confused so I need to drill down a bit further. Use this in conjuction with the list at the top.


No car that is the sporty version of a family hatchback is cool.

No car with the smaller engine option (of even a cool car) is cool. In fact it should be illegal!

No car with more than 6 optional extras is cool.

No car prefixed with a special parts logo like Cosworth, AMG, Lotus, System Porsche etc. is cool. Unless it is a Jaguar sporting the TWR logo.

Any car that has the radio as an optional extra is cool.

Fuel Injection was cool when it didn't work, was made by Lucas, and was only fitted to Supermarine Spitfires, DB5s and Triumph TR5 and 6s. 

No Electronic Fuel Injection is cool.

Generally, turbo chargers and superchargers are not cool. Exceptions being, if they are fitted to already massive powerful engines. Not if they are to make a crumby little engine faster.

Hope this helps?  :Grin:

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## RJM

What kind of 'Cool' car do you have then?

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## ducati

> What kind of 'Cool' car do you have then?


Ah....I'm er...between cool cars at the moment. Ooh! ooh! I have a 2 door italian...phew!

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## Koi

i will accept that my car is uncool as it is very good on my bank balance and that is very cool  :Grin:

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## scoobyc

> Ah....I'm er...between cool cars at the moment. Ooh! ooh! I have a 2 door italian...phew!


with how many cylinders?  :Smile:

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## CyprusPluto

Ah, I get it now. All cars are uncool unless they're a Jaguar with a big engine  ....... but all Jaguar owners are uncool, because there constantly furious and hot under the collar that there car breaks down all the time.
There are a few exceptions to this rule such a 7 litre Cobras, the Lancia Stratos and the best looking car of all time the Maserati Osca

Just to extend this topic; all motorbikes except 1960's Vespas are also uncool. You have to apply the 20% rule. They get you from A to B 20% quicker than a car, but you are 20% more likely to die before you get there and of course 100% more likely to get wet if it's raining  :Wink: 

Buses are obviously uncool, trains even more so. All planes except the Concorde. Trucks and Lorries are a no go area..... that just leaves walking..... oh no that's 'really' uncool

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## ducati

> with how many cylinders?


Doesn't matter. See above.

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## ducati

> i will accept that my car is uncool as it is very good on my bank balance and that is very cool


You get it! The point is not neccasarily to have a cool car, but not to have an uncool car and think it is cool. ::

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## ducati

> Ah, I get it now. All cars are uncool unless they're a Jaguar with a big engine  ....... but all Jaguar owners are uncool, because there constantly furious and hot under the collar that there car breaks down all the time.
> There are a few exceptions to this rule such a 7 litre Cobras, the Lancia Stratos and the best looking car of all time the Maserati Osca
> 
> Just to extend this topic; all motorbikes except 1960's Vespas are also uncool. You have to apply the 20% rule. They get you from A to B 20% quicker than a car, but you are 20% more likely to die before you get there and of course 100% more likely to get wet if it's raining 
> 
> Buses are obviously uncool, trains even more so. All planes except the Concorde. Trucks and Lorries are a no go area..... that just leaves walking..... oh no that's 'really' uncool


Now you're getting it!

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## ducati

I think we need a bit about names. 

Very few 'person' names are acceptable on a cool car.

They are: Enzo, Dino, Shelby, Cooper and David Brown.

If your car is called Clio, Zoe, Cloe or Adam, well, what do you think?  ::

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## colingel

Hats of to you Ducati you know a bit about cars. 
Know where does a fiat X19 come in all this ??

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## ducati

> Hats of to you Ducati you know a bit about cars. 
> Know where does a fiat X19 come in all this ??


We already established all 2 door Italians are cool. 

We still aren't getting it by the way, some of the coolest cars on the planet are really rubbish. Sometimes this makes them cool.

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## ducati

Here is another check for you. If you are concerned about 'space' or 'economy' or 'ground clearance' or 'residual values' or 'where your I phone plugs in' you aren't going to be buying a cool car.

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## ducati

OK. I think you are ready for a test.

In no particular order here is a list of European design studios.

You need to identify which are cool and which are uncool and why?

Michalotti

PininFarina

Bertone

Khamann

Ital

Touring

Ghia

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## Big Gaz

> OK. I think you are ready for a test.
> 
> In no particular order here is a list of European design studios.
> 
> You need to identify which are cool and which are uncool and why?
> 
> Michalotti
> 
> PininFarina
> ...




Michelotti - Did some very cool designs on early Ferraris and Maseratis but became decidedly uncool once they tied up with BMC......need i say more?

Pininfarini - Just had too many different designers all throwing their tuppence worth in...not cool (The DeLorean Motor Co of yesteryear!)

Bertone - The son made some cool designs, the Mustang being one, the father was so uncool....no Lancia was ever cool except in the winter....with the wndows open

Karmann - Famously uncool for early VW work but was mostly an assembler, not a designer

Ital - Were cool.....until they "re"designed a certain cesspit of a car manufactured in the UK. Y'know the one, front torsion bar suspension, the mar...the ma....the mari... sheesh i can't even bear to say the word and that's me having owned 3 of them when i was younger!

Touring - Cool.....undoubtedly

Ghia - Cool until Ford plastered his name on the "upper range" models....they only looked a little better, certainly didn't run any better! oh and were an excuse for an insurance co. to whack a chunk on your premium....if you said you wanted to insure a crappy ford, it was ok, mention the word "Ghia" and you heard the excitement on the other end of the phone as the wee girl wet herself knowing she was on a huge bonus for selling you the policy...



So Duc, tell us more about this little eyetie model you have, y'know, the uncool one with the rusted out floorpan and pepperpot top wheelstruts :-)

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## ducati

> Michelotti - Did some very cool designs on early Ferraris and Maseratis but became decidedly uncool once they tied up with BMC......need i say more?
> 
> Pininfarini - Just had too many different designers all throwing their tuppence worth in...not cool (The DeLorean Motor Co of yesteryear!)
> 
> Bertone - The son made some cool designs, the Mustang being one, the father was so uncool....no Lancia was ever cool except in the winter....with the wndows open
> 
> Karmann - Famously uncool for early VW work but was mostly an assembler, not a designer
> 
> Ital - Were cool.....until they "re"designed a certain cesspit of a car manufactured in the UK. Y'know the one, front torsion bar suspension, the mar...the ma....the mari... sheesh i can't even bear to say the word and that's me having owned 3 of them when i was younger!
> ...


Er..this isn't about me. :: 

Like your working on the above. Mostly what I had in mind. Never forgave karmann for screwing up Michelotti's work on the TR4/5 by re-designing the front and back foot in the TR6.

Touring however, BMW estates? Really?

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## Big Gaz

> Er..this isn't about me.
> 
> Like your working on the above. Mostly what I had in mind. Never forgave karmann for screwing up Michelotti's work on the TR4/5 by re-designing the front and back foot in the TR6.
> 
> Touring however, BMW estates? Really?


Touring were pretty decent when they first started out. When you wrote Touring, i never once thought of the BMW estate but i did after you reminded me :-). Got to remember i'm pushing on the big 50 soon and i was brought up with a lot of the said designers "projects" on the street. Many people haven't an inkling when it comes to car design, they just want to get in, drive, shop or work and drive home again but it's the small ideas that have carried forward throughout the years and when you hop in a new car and see it, you think "cheeky kers" :-) Spen King was another great designer, just a pity he got tied up with Morris/Leyland, i reckon they held him back and possibly caused his eventual moving out of car designing. Some of his early work on range rovers, especially those with the CSK number plates go for an absolute fortune. Overall, car styling and design is just something that used to be in your face and once seen, you tend not to forget, irrespective of how much of a howler the design was  ::  but nowadays, it's more subtle and therefore all cars look alike to me now

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## ducati

> Touring were pretty decent when they first started out. When you wrote Touring, i never once thought of the BMW estate but i did after you reminded me :-). Got to remember i'm pushing on the big 50 soon and i was brought up with a lot of the said designers "projects" on the street. Many people haven't an inkling when it comes to car design, they just want to get in, drive, shop or work and drive home again but it's the small ideas that have carried forward throughout the years and when you hop in a new car and see it, you think "cheeky kers" :-) Spen King was another great designer, just a pity he got tied up with Morris/Leyland, i reckon they held him back and possibly caused his eventual moving out of car designing. Some of his early work on range rovers, especially those with the CSK number plates go for an absolute fortune. Overall, car styling and design is just something that used to be in your face and once seen, you tend not to forget, irrespective of how much of a howler the design was  but nowadays, it's more subtle and therefore all cars look alike to me now


Yes my personal feeling is cars are not designed anymore with any sympathy to the emotions a nice car can stir. They are just another piece of technology resulting in a much more stressfull and less enjoyable driving experience.

I myself, am considerably the wrong side of 50 and driving our daily (South Korean :: ) I am constantly bombarded by information I don't need and can't read! The dash is a sea of buttons and knobs and I have no idea what most of them do as I can't be botherd to put my glasses on to read them!  ::

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## ducati

> So Duc, tell us more about this little eyetie model you have, y'know, the uncool one with the rusted out floorpan and pepperpot top wheelstruts :-)


OK I'm fed up of this. While I'm not lauding it as a cool car other than being in the catagorie of 2 door italians which are cool.

Mid engined, two seat, top comes off. Shares the same platform as the Stratos and Montecarlo so handles like a rollerskate.

4 wheel disc brakes with no servo so you have to be a 16 stone gorilla to stop the thing.  :: 

Legendary Fiat 128 engine  ::  will propel it to speeds approaching 100MPH.

And any Italian car of 30 years old having spent all it's life in Aberdeen is perfectly entitled to be rusty!

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## mi16

coolness is very much like beauty.
All in the eye of the beholder
I woudl argue the eastern european uncool statement
Early Skoda's and lada riva's are considered to be uber cool in my minds eye.
Alas I run a jap poopbox and a french poopbox.

I must admit to havign a real lusting for an Alfa these days

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## ducati

> coolness is very much like beauty.
> All in the eye of the beholder
> I woudl argue the eastern european uncool statement
> Early Skoda's and lada riva's are considered to be uber cool in my minds eye.
> Alas I run a jap poopbox and a french poopbox.
> 
> I must admit to havign a real lusting for an Alfa these days


Alfas are cool. Just don't expect them to be reliable, a bit like your minds eye.  ::

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## ducati

> OK I'm fed up of this. While I'm not lauding it as a cool car other than being in the catagorie of 2 door italians which are cool.
> 
> Mid engined, two seat, top comes off. Shares the same platform as the Stratos and Montecarlo so handles like a rollerskate.
> 
> 4 wheel disc brakes with no servo so you have to be a 16 stone gorilla to stop the thing. 
> 
> Legendary Fiat 128 engine  will propel it to speeds approaching 100MPH.
> 
> And any Italian car of 30 years old having spent all it's life in Aberdeen is perfectly entitled to be rusty!


Of course, all the above negates any coolness. If you have to explain......

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## mi16

now thats cool

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## Big Gaz

How about this......



so cool you need to keep the heater on "fool" blast

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## Big Gaz

> now thats cool


plenty chrome bling too...sadly something that lacks from todays vehicles

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## mi16

> plenty chrome bling too...sadly something that lacks from todays vehicles


 Composites these days lighter, stronger and resistant to tin worm

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## Big Gaz

> Composites these days lighter, stronger and resistant to tin worm


Aye, tin worm, the dreaded rotter of vehicles of yesteryear...oh well, never mind, 2 lb of catty, 1/2 lb of iron filings, an old Daily Record and some cardboard and you'll have new sills in no time at all!!  :Grin: . Years ago i spent ages mastering "shaping" caulk sealer into something resembling "welding" to try and fool the MOT guy after pop riveted panels weren't allowed anymore. I passed the MOT test too........does that make the car cool?  ::

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## ducati

> now thats cool


 Bliddy hell someone spent money restoring that!  :: 

The brief was: 'A Fiat 128 is too good for our citizens so we will make 'em ourselves in a tractor factory with intermitent electricity and no quality control'.

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## Big Gaz

Sadly, i have to say that i had a car that i thought was cool.......honestly........but in reality wasn't really so cool. 

It was a plain old Ford Fiesta Mk1 1L van, ex-securicor, picked up at the local auctions for £100 with a broken rocker bar so only running on 3 cyls. It was painted in their blue and the bottom half was done silver (badly) with hammerite!. It was so bad trying to remove the silver paint that i decided to change the two doors and go with an X-Pack body kit which cost me a weeks wages back then. Here a pic of the kit on a fiesta (not my car!)

http://www.m-99.co.uk/Car_Bodykits/fiesta_mk1_xpack.jpg

I bought an XR2 write off for the running gear and interior too and spent the weekend fitting the parts, engine and gearbox before taking the week off work to fit the kit and prep for painting. 2 large (gallon size) tins of catty, easily 100 sheets of wet-n-dry, badly skint knuckles, blisters and copious amounts of coffee later i was done. Just had to have the paint job sorted and was done. Week later, back from paint shop and looking brill! took new gf out for a spin and we stopped for some drinks (i was on cola before you all moan!) on the way home she wasn't feeling too well, wound the window down and promptly puked 1/2 in, 1/2 out of the car. New interior was christened and the paint on the outside actually dissolved!! straight back to the metal......not a happy bunny and certainly no more gf either!! I think the only cool thing about it was when my mate bought it and promtly rolled it several times in a field the next day and despite being a mangled mess and the engine & gearbox flung out the body, i couldn't believe it when the only really salvageable part was the body kit!!

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## ducati

> How about this......
> 
> 
> 
> so cool you need to keep the heater on "fool" blast


I can't help feeling this thread has gone a bit er...wrong!

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## mi16

> Bliddy hell someone spent money restoring that! 
> 
> The brief was: 'A Fiat 128 is too good for our citizens so we will make 'em ourselves in a tractor factory with intermitent electricity and no quality control'.


Come on Ducati, admit it, you think its cool dont you?

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## ducati

> Come on Ducati, admit it, you think its cool dont you?


Even the restorer couldn't get the panel gaps right!

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## mi16

that just adds to its charm

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## mi16

ok what about this 1960's felicia rag top?

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## ducati

> ok what about this 1960's felicia rag top?


AAAGGHHH! ::   Although it does have Lucas indicators.  :: 

Have you noticed that the chassis is so awesomely cool, that all the wheels are pointing in different directions?

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## ducati

For avoidance of doubt, as you don't seem to know, this, is a cool car.

Attachment 23683

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## mi16

> For avoidance of doubt, as you don't seem to know, this, is a cool car.
> 
> Attachment 23683


if you like vehicles that handle like a blancmange

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## ducati

> if you like vehicles that handle like a blancmange


And what, pray tell, sweet handling ride was your grandfather driving in 1949? Mine's was called Neddy.  :Wink:

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## mi16

> And what, pray tell, sweet handling ride was your grandfather driving in 1949? Mine's was called Neddy.


Perry Como was cool in 1949 also

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## Big Gaz

The '49 Chevy looks much cooler in black.....

Around 1949-1950, my grandfather drove an MG TC. One of the coolest cars of that time. Seen a couple of pics with him and my nan in it. The MG also handled better than a blancmange too!

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## ducati

> The '49 Chevy looks much cooler in black.....
> 
> Around 1949-1950, my grandfather drove an MG TC. One of the coolest cars of that time. Seen a couple of pics with him and my nan in it. The MG also handled better than a blancmange too!


He must have been a wealthy man. It's a Pontiac Silver Streak. An everymans car, 20 years ahead of anything on this side of the pond. With about 4 times the power of the MG, it didn't really need to handle. But it was designed for the type of road that wouldn't be available in Europe (apart from Germany) for another 20 years.

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## ducati

This has set me off at another tangent. At some point, not sure when, as Ford and General Motors started to globalise, someone somewhere decided that we couldn't have proper full sized cars and would have to put up with what the Americans refere to as sub-compact cars. We've been driving around (mostly) in stupid little cars ever since. It stinks!  ::

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## ducati

Sort of cool related;

I was having a blether with a biker guy the other day while I was valeting his car. It came up that I have been riding bikes for nearly 40 years (38 to be precise). I've never been to a bike rally, I've never been in a club, I've never grown a beard and I've never had a tattoo (or anything pierced  :: ). He thought this a bit odd.  ::

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## Big Gaz

> He must have been a wealthy man. It's a Pontiac Silver Streak. An everymans car, 20 years ahead of anything on this side of the pond. With about 4 times the power of the MG, it didn't really need to handle. But it was designed for the type of road that wouldn't be available in Europe (apart from Germany) for another 20 years.


Lol, there was me thinking i knew my muscle cars. Defo looks like a 49 chevy on a quick scan but yeah, now i have my specs on, the differences are glaringly obvious to me  :: . As for my gramps, i never knew his wealth nor did i ever meet him, he passed on before i was born.  I remember my dad telling me my grandfather was drunk and piled the MG into a barn on the way home and promptly fell asleep only to be woken up by the farmer's wife poking him with a shotgun. Also when my grandfather and some friends wanted to play football after a days drinking and there were no goalposts on one end of the field, my grandfather reversed the MG up to the line and used it as one post while there was a basket or something similar used for the other side. Apparently he punched someone who shot wide and hit the MG and a right old rumpus ensued after which gramps was promptly huckled off to the local nick. Whether or not the stories are true, i have no idea but still make me chuckle :-)

I reckon my grandfather was cool, does that count??

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## ducati

> Lol, there was me thinking i knew my muscle cars. Defo looks like a 49 chevy on a quick scan but yeah, now i have my specs on, the differences are glaringly obvious to me . As for my gramps, i never knew his wealth nor did i ever meet him, he passed on before i was born.  I remember my dad telling me my grandfather was drunk and piled the MG into a barn on the way home and promptly fell asleep only to be woken up by the farmer's wife poking him with a shotgun. Also when my grandfather and some friends wanted to play football after a days drinking and there were no goalposts on one end of the field, my grandfather reversed the MG up to the line and used it as one post while there was a basket or something similar used for the other side. Apparently he punched someone who shot wide and hit the MG and a right old rumpus ensued after which gramps was promptly huckled off to the local nick. Whether or not the stories are true, i have no idea but still make me chuckle :-)
> 
> I reckon my grandfather was cool, does that count??


Yes he sounds like a cool dude. Unlike me apparently.

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## Big Gaz

> Yes he sounds like a cool dude. Unlike me apparently.


Join the club! get a piercing, go to a rally, shave your head, grow a goatee, get some inkings and then you will look semi-decent if you pretend you are cool.....oh and don't forget the big fat target on the back of your leather jacket, y'know, the one where the Scots will be throwing spears at when you are last seen scuttling off over the border come indy day  ::

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## ducati

> Join the club! get a piercing, go to a rally, shave your head, grow a goatee, get some inkings and then you will look semi-decent if you pretend you are cool


Nah, I'm a non conformist!  :: 

Time to talk about Bikes.

No American Motorcycle is cool (discuss).

No Scooter is cool (sorry they just aren't).

Some old British bikes are cool but not many. Modern british bikes are not cool.

All Italian bikes are cool. Every one that has ever been made. Except for the Ducati Paso.  sheesh! No-one even wanted to park next to it.

No American styled Japanese bike is cool, how could it be?

No new era (made in China, India, Malaysia, Indonesia etc.) bike is cool, although given time, some are starting to show promise.

It is possible to customise an uncool bike and make it cool (but not in your garage).

Many Japanese bikes are cool but not all of them.

Cool engine sizes are 900 upwards to about 12 and a bit hundred cc no bigger than that.

750cc bikes used to be cool but they aren't anymore and 800cc bikes are just wierd.

Oh I forgot about German bikes...er no.

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## Big Gaz

Bikes?....nah.....not many are cool....mainly cos i don't have one at the moment  :: 

i was going to write an essay but fed up battling on here now. Doesn't matter what you say, someone always takes it and either twists it round or throws it back at you so i'll pass on this one.

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## ducati

> Bikes?....nah.....not many are cool....mainly cos i don't have one at the moment 
> 
> i was going to write an essay but fed up battling on here now. Doesn't matter what you say, someone always takes it and either twists it round or throws it back at you so i'll pass on this one.


Blimey! It's only a bit of a laugh.  ::

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