Ai Redundant Poker
by W T Lyall

I'm proud o' my job as a poker,
Till know I'm essential is grand,
Stanin' fair proud side ai fireplace,
Ready for every command.

A shovel o' coal in a fireplace
Makes only a dirty black flame,
But wan knacky twist wi' ai poker,
An ai hole lot will burst in till flame.

Aat nicht when they sit roond ai fireplace,
An' ai lum's pittin' off a fair reek,
Ai yarns I could tell are uncanny,
If only a poker could speak.

But alas times are rapidly changin',
Ai fireplace is getting ai by,
Ma future is very uncertain,
Ye'll hardly see smoke in ai sky.

Cos now ades all new fangled hooses,
An pookers are no used at all,
Ai fireplace is locked in a cupboard,
An' blows oot a hole in ai wall.

I thocht that they'd let me do something
In ai hoosehold, I'm sure I could blend,
I think I wid make a good screwdriver,
If only they'd file doon my end.

I'm a strong, straight, healthy ould poker,
Till dump me juist disna make sense,
Ye can use me if ye lek for a hammer,
Or even a stab for a fence.

I wid lek till be pert o' ai family,
A loyal hard worker, I pledge,
I'd make a good stake for ai roses,
Or even an iron for a sledge.

They built in a fancy new fireplace,
I wis certain, for ai poker they'd come,
But all hope collapsed when I saw ade,
Fibreglass coal, an no lum.

I'm seek till ai teeth doin' nothin',
There juist isna a damn thing till do.
Nobody wants an ould poker,
I canna even sign on ai broo.

An' now I've been thrown on ai scrap heap,
Corroded an' useless, I lie,
Fit thanks for a long loyal service,
A redundant poker am I.