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How Do Moarnanes Affect Ye? by Jenny S Stewart

Fit are ye lek at e start o eych day fan e clockie goes off wi a ring?
Div ye lowp fey e covers, bright richt awey an wonder fit iss day will bring?
Or drag up wan eyelid then drop id back doon an declare at yur clockie's gone mad,
'Cause id's no at long since ye crawled 'tween e sheets, so ye turn back ower, though id's bad.

Then ye drift back off till a land full o clouds as ye snuggle back under e cleys,
An transport yur mind till a world full o colours, green gress an bonnie blue beys,
Nixt yur reverie's spoilt by a coorse wumman's voice, "are ye up" then ye hear feet on stair,
so ye sprint for e floor then trip ower yur feet an cowp talcum poother on hair.

Now ma dad's wan o them at eye wakens wi start an he's wound up richt fey e word go,
Though ma mam's more lek me, she's fond o hur bed, so we both waken up kinna slow,
Ma faither eye gied till his bed wi e thocht at he hed till rise richt on time,
While ah tip intil mine wi e thocht o choost sleepin until ah feel rested an fine.

Wance ah'm sleepin, at's hid, ye could do fit ye lek, an ah'd sleep through a nuclear attack,
Ah've missed thunderstorms an fechts 'tween e neighbours, ah switch off an dinna come back.
Though e win' blows wur hoose an id's choose meyde o wood, id could blow off for all ah could care,
Ah'd be transported off till a sleepy lagoon wi nuthane till do boot comb hair.

Iss moarnane ah dreymt ah wiz deyd, up in hivvin, on golden harp playin a tune,
(Ma mam wiz richt smert an said tackety boots wiz showin ablow ma fine goon)
Fan she gave me a call, ah couldna quite answer cause hivvin's a long way fey here,
Boot ah came back till earth fan she rove back e blankets an bawled wance again in ma ear.

Now, e funny thing is, if ah'm no steyin at homm, ah'm up at first ring o e bell,
Ah s'pose ids e thocht at ma mam couldna shout so ah hev till rely on masell,
Boot if ah hed ma way ah'd cut oot echt a'clock an mak evry chiel rise 'boot nine,
Cause by then ah feel human an fit for e world, an gettin up wid be fine.