Weel, Donal, did ye get e tickets for e lifeboat ball?
Id disna do till leyve id leyt or we'll no get at all,
Yess, Jessie, Shoohie Malcolm keept aside wur usual pair,
Ah'll need till go till Elma's get a bittie off ma hair.

Ah howp ye've plenty money boy, ah'm needin buy a frock,
Ma diet's meyd ma cleyz a beeg, thur hingin roond ma dock,
Will ten quid do, id's all ah've left, ah've no been till e bank,
A cheque'll do, choost sign yur neyme an leyve e rest ad blank.

Ah fancy somethane modern wi yin splits an hight heeled shoes,
Hm, they'll see yur drawers an think yur daft or takin till e booze,
Yur no a yowng thing now mind, Jessie, reyched yur half a ton,
Donal, yur owld fashioned, man, far's yur sense o' fun?

Man, will ye get up, e day's e day, e lifeboat ball's e nicht,
Lyin in yur scratcher, lord get up, id's choost no richt,
Ah'm going till get ma hair done an e coalman's due at wan,
Yur snorin, boy ah'm coming up, get up an gie's a hand.

Jessie, far's ma good suit troozers, come an soart ma tie,
Look fit ye choost meyde me do, mascara in ma eye,
Ya hanless neep come ower till me, ye've bed fluff on yur leyg,
An at tie's no goin on e nicht e front o'ds full o' eigg.

Donal, come and tie ma zip, ah canna reych up far,
An tak ma bonnie necklace ower, id's lyin in e drawer,
Iss frock's too ticht, ye'll need tyre levers fore ye'll get packed in,
Ouch Donal, be a bit more canny, yur howkin at ma skin.

Comere boy an bend doon a bit, no at way, roond, reverse,
Ah thocht id, get yur troozurs off ah'll hev till sew e erse,
Stop fussin Jessie, wi ma jaikid on they'll see no sicht,
Get thum off ah'll take no chance, id seems thur far ower ticht.

Weel donal, div ye think ah'll do, ma petticoats no doon?
Ach Jessie yur choost perfect, now e taxi's comin soon,
Mind Donal, dinna drink too much yur stomach's no sa good,
Ach Jessie let yur hair doon, hev a dram, get in e mood