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Caithness Poets

James Begg


The Fox That Outfoxed Jeamie

 A fox went oot on a moonlicht nicht
An' begged for the moon 'till give him licht
But the first he saw 'till his surprise
Wis a spotlicht shining in his eyes
A crafty Fermer on the spot
He gave the fox his laiden lot
Quick as a flash his bullets sped
And just as fast the fox lay dead.


This Fermer who hed ta'en the fox's life
set doon his rifle and took oot his knife
'Till skin the fox upon the ground
'Cause a skin lek at's worth twenty pounds
But as he started he ne'er took fits
the skin wis coman off in bits
But iss fermer called Jocky he wisna done
He thocht he'd hev a little fun
He heard his neighbour was hevan fox trouble
So doon geid Fermer Jock at the double
'Till set up the dead fox on his neighbour's
And make sure in the morning that it would be found.

Now Jock's neighbour Jeamie, a Stroma man
One o' the best o' the Simpson Clan
He rose in the morning and blinked his een
For the dash o' the lek he never hed seen
A beeg fox wis standing oot in the park
So he grabbed for his gun and went oot in his
An' he fired both barrels o' Number One shot
but the foxey kept standan' lek glued 'till the

Williams Queer Catch

You've heard of the famous Stroma Isle
Where lobsters have a bright white smile
But now there's something more exclusive
A lobster which is more elusive.

this new discovery I have heard
Was made by William, son of the Laird
Twas sitting in the end of his creel
And had a funny, softish feel.

It didna even move or flap
When William took it from it's trap
An' when he set it on the deck
It wouldna move a single step.

It lay there just lek it was deid
An William sat and shook his heid
this fish wasa really quite fantastic
the ruddy thing wis made o' plastic.

The lek he's never seen afore
How did it reach the Stroma shore
It must hev floated with the tide
With Hong Kong made, stamped on hid's side.

He thocht of his poor aching jaws
trying to chew those plastic claws
It looked so real, already boiled
So William just sat back and smiled.

This brand new lobster which wis found
Might be the only one around
Though William hopes at a later date
That he will find it's plastic mate.