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What's the last thing to go through a bumblebee's mind when it hits your windscreen?

Its Bum.

What do you call a Glaswegian with small feet and no dog? Wee Shughy Douglas.
What did one wall say to the other wall? Let's meet at the corner.

How do you get 5 donkeys into a Fire Engine.

2 In the front 2 in the back and 1 on the roof, going Hee Haw! Hee Haw! Hew Haw!

A White horse walks into a bar and the barman says - "why the long face?"  

Why did the Mexican stab his wife?


What do you call a nun sitting on a clown's lap?

Virgin on the ridiculous.

Why was Santa depressed?

He was low in elf esteem.

How does the Moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

How do Vikings send messages?

They use Norse code.

Why did Santa visit his psychiatrist?

He just didn't believe in himself anymore.

 How do you make a Venetian blind?

Rub soap in his eyes.

Dan: What's the best birthday present for a little boy? Stan: Well a drum takes a lot of beating.
Why did the baby pig eat so much food? So it could make a hog of itself.
What walks about saying, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch? An octopus wearing shoes that are too tight.
What's round, smells and giggles? A tickled onion.
How do you terminate a circus? Cut the juggler.
What do you call a dinosaur who ate too many hedgehogs? Megasaurus.
What did the male octopus say when he saw a beautiful female octopus? I've always got a sucker for a pretty face.
What slithers along the ground and works for the Government? A civil serpent.
Teacher: Now Sarah can you tell me what's a skeleton? Yes Sir, a skeleton is a set of bones with a person scraped off.
A blonde began a job as a new primary school teacher, and she was eager to help. One day during playtime she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. She approached and asked if he was alright. The boy said he was. A little while later, however, She noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself. Approaching again, She said, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, She then asked, "Why are you standing here alone?  "Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie."
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyathinkasaurus
What tiles are the most difficult to fix to the bathroom wall? Reptiles